Single Since Seventy-Nine – My Solitary Saga

LMAO at my knack for alliteration used above! Seriously though, I am the epitome of the “Plight of the Single Woman.”  I’m living a singular, solitary life of a childless singleton. No significant other & no spawns. LOL Do you notice my self-deprecating humor much? In a one word answer: “YES!”  It’s my shield, it helps me cope. You know the old adage “laugh to keep from crying?”  Well, I’m the poster child!  Sometimes I feel like the ‘last of the Mohican's.’ Can you relate to this feeling?  More than ever before, I’ve noticed for every married on engaged person I know; I also know another 2 single people. According to the 2012 U.S. Census, “62% of unmarried U.S. residents 18 and older have never been married.”[Source:  America’s Families and Living Arrangements: 2012 Table A1].   After reading that statistic, you’d think I’d feel a bit more reassured that I’m not alone, right? Um, nope, that isn’t the case.  Looking closely at the statistic, it said “unmarried;” which is VERY different from being single.  Even though you’re labeled ‘unmarried,’ you can very well be in a loving committed relationship.  Moreover, not every single person is alone. Some people self-identify as ‘single’ because they’re “unmarried.” This isn’t to say that they aren’t dating or in a committed relationship; they’re just being really technical about the word usage of their personal situations.  When I discuss my “singledom” (yep, I’m aware it isn’t a real word… It just fits perfectly in my piece, LOL). I’m solely referring to being alone, alone; as in, not “booed up” (slang for being in a relationship) & not dating/getting to know/”talking to” (slang for the beginning of the “getting to know you” stage, pre dating and pre relationship) anyone at all. 

Most days, I’d say I’m a “Satisfied Single” woman. I’m thankful for learning that term from Loni Love; it means, I’m fine with not having a significant other and I keep living my life happily. However, some days, “I’m like I NEED a boo ASAP!”  This is usually magnified times a million when I have my ‘baby pangs.’  I’m in my mid 30’s & my biological clock is blaring.  Every time I see an adorable baby my ovaries jiggle and my uterus jumps for joy. It sort of reminds me of when “Fat Bastard” (Austin Powers’ character) utters the “get in my belly” line.  LOL.  Not to mention, I’m hyper aware of my ‘single status’ when I receive an invitation to an event; and have to send in the RSVP card. It’s ALWAYS marked the same, “for one.”  One day I hope I’ll be able to write in “plus one, or Kimberly, (insert name of spouse) & family.”  However, if there’s anything I’ve learned thus far; God will send whoever he has in store for you, when you’re supposed to meet them and not a minute before.

 Through my introspective work reflecting on past situations and relationships that didn’t work out, I now understand that those men were not for me.  The minute I shared that I had Scleroderma, some disappeared like they were moonlighting as Houdini (the magician not the rap group, LMAO).  Others, tried to say they understood and didn’t mind that I was chronically ill; but broke up with me soon after my revelation anyway.  I don’t fault these men for leaving, they knew they were not equipped to handle something.  In turn, I saw that they weren’t strong enough for me.  In a partner, I don’t need a caretaker or a handler.  I need a mate, my other half, a person to build with, be intimate with.  The blessing was that I was able to figure out the incompatibility of those failed relationships before any more precious time and emotions were wasted. So as I joke about my “Solitary Saga,” it’s actually quite real. I move through my everyday as an individual without a romantic relationship; but I’m not alone.  I have so much love in my life and I give so much love to the people in my life.  Every day is a new day to continue to work on myself & to achieve my goals.  That way, when I meet ‘the one,” or the man God will send to me, I’ll be in a better position to receive healthy, mature, and real unconditional love.  I will also be able to offer my whole complete heart, time and attention to work towards establishing a beautiful & hopefully lifelong union. 

Disappearing Acts and the Comeback or should I say the “Come through?!”

So it’s “been a long time, I shouldn’t have left you, without a dope entry to read boo.”  LOL, that’s my ‘creative’ spin on Eric B. & Rakim’s “I Know You Got Soul,” (which is a classic rap song circa the 80’s). Seriously, I’ve been ‘gone’ from my blog for a while.  In the time I’ve been away, I’ve been going through the motions of trying to figure out the next stage of my life.  I know everyone goes through ‘finding their identity.”  I think these introspective/self-reflective periods of “finding oneself” happens a few times within our life span.  These ‘phases,’ come about as a direct example of growth & maturity.  As we age, we tend to grow wiser through experience and lessons learned; you know the old adage, “been there, tried that, moved on…”  At some point, we (women) gain the confidence to live OUR best lives for ourselves – our rules, our way!  As we grow, sometimes it becomes necessary that we become a bit selfish, we spend a lifetime, thinking about and taking care of others, and we end up neglecting our wants and needs. So the ‘selfishness,’ is really reclaiming and reconnecting to your own identity.  In our childhood, we try to please our parents and live up to their ideal of who they ‘created’ us to be.   In our later teens through our early 20’s, we’re in college trying to figure out who we are. We reject our “original programming” from our parental units and work on discovering what we like for a change.  It’s also during these college years, we try to figure out what we want to do for a living; so basically we go buck wild with exploration – i.e. partying for days on end & studying everything & anything under the sun, LOL. By our mid 20’s, we become more focused.  We settle into our “stable/practical jobs” or if you’re lucky enough, you found your desired career path early on, and you’re working towards achieving multiple promotions within the same field.  

 I don’t know about you, but I am a compulsive list maker! It’s the only way to keep all the tasks & to-do lists straight within my head.   I’m admittedly ‘slightly’ forgetful (which is actually becoming a lot worse with age, but that’s for another entry, LOL).  Anyway, in my late 20’s I was thrown a bit of a curveball when I was diagnosed with 2 chronic illnesses (Scleroderma & Polymyositis).  These ‘revelations’ changed my to-do list/work plan completely!  I had already put in over 3 years at my ‘stable/practical job.’ Originally, I planned to work there for 10 years total, before I was to leave and find a new position in my actual ‘career field’ to settle into until I hit retirement age.  However, when I received my ‘double diagnosis,” I had to refocus my ‘Professional Compass” and recalibrate the appropriate direction I would ultimately NEED to go towards.  If you have a chronic illness or have a family member/friend/loved one that has a chronic illness, you’re aware that life is very challenging for the afflicted individual.  That individual has to deal with their pain/sickness, taking multiple medications per day to treat their illness. Moreover, there are CONSTANT visits to the physicians/specialists offices & countless scans and lab visits.  If you’re ‘working while ill’ like I was, there’s plenty of days where you cannot make it in to the office because, you’re so sick.  Thankfully, my employer at the time understood that all of my absences and lateness’ weren’t due to me being “unprofessional or non-productive;” but, it was seriously something I had absolutely no control over.  When you’re chronically ill, your day is solely structured around how you feel when you wake up in the a.m.   I had to use all of my vacation time and personal days as ‘sick days,’ since I would run through all of my allotted sick time so quickly.  That was problematic, because as we all know, there is such a thing as ‘work burnout’ and those 4 weeks a year (may be more, or less time depending on where you work) of vacation time is necessary to recharge your batteries. When you no longer have accumulated time (vacation/personal/sick time) in your work bank; you start to get your paychecks docked.  Docked paychecks ultimately wreak havoc on your life.  You end up worrying about how you’re going to afford everything within your lifestyle (rent, bills, car notes, etc.) Whew, it was a STRESSFUL time for me, thus, I had to focus solely on trying to make my life work and didn’t have much time to dedicate to my blog.  Now, that I’m a bit more centered, and I’m so thankful and extremely grateful to God to have ‘come through’ that chaotic/challenging time in my life.

 I’m back and ready to type ‘it’ out.  When I say ‘it,’ I mean I’ll write about my own life, after all this blog is entitled "Chronicles of The Modern C.I.C. (Chronically Ill Chick/Chic Ill Chick), a.k.a. #BrokendownBlackBarbie, #CannulaChicCutie, #HomeboundHottie.  Basically, I’m a multifaceted woman who will explore and write about everything that’s of interest to me, i.e. fashion, music, makeup, relationships, politics; or if I receive any interesting topic suggestions.  

In addition, I give great advice for those seeking answers or suggestions for their problems & concerns.  Just tweet me and be sure to include the following: #COTMCIC.  I’m not being biased, I’m seriously a great ‘Solution Specialist’ just ask my family & close friends, I know they’ll be honest with you.   I’m here to stay and don’t plan on doing any further impromptu ‘disappearing acts;’ so just know, I’m here for you boo!   Yes you! 

 Thanks for taking the time to read my latest entry! Be sure to follow me on Twitter: @Ms_Modern_C.IC.

 

Smooches & Hugs,

Kimberly***