Thursday, August 6, 2015

#PainPainGoAwayAndDontEverComeBackThisWay! Experiences of the Chronically Ill

Sometimes, I go through episodes of extreme sadness when I’m experiencing severe pain. Does this happen to you as well?  When I'm feeling sad, it's easiest for me to retreat into a shell. Its protection, because I’m at my most vulnerable & I feel so overwhelmed, sad, hurt, frustrated & angry by my situation. It’s like I’m submerged into a deep vat of lard, mud, quicksand; basically, I feel trapped and confined within my body & my home. Let’s keep it real, if you follow me on Twitter, (@Ms_Modern_CIC) or on Instagram, (@Ms.Modern.CIC) you may have seen me use the hashtags “#BrokendownBlackBarbie & #The Homebound Hottie” like a gazillion times. What can I say? - - It’s my reality...   In those deep dark moments/episodes, I am unable to see any light.  I am totally consumed by & enveloped within all those aforementioned feelings/emotions; I know part of it is based on constantly having to face my mortality - - I guess that’s the life of a Chronically Ill person... I mean, when your diagnoses are deemed "incurable," it's um, ugh, ruh, sort of second nature for one to at least question their overall existence - - I'm just sayin'.  What I’ve learned is, these feelings/emotions that I periodically go through are NOT negative emotions! They're healthy normalI cannot stress this enough, YOU’RE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING!  We all deal with an assortment, and/or range of different emotions throughout one singular interaction, with one individual. Now, just imagine how many things you’ll experience during a full day of situations & interactions with hundreds of people.  When having to deal with the highly stressful situation of feeling excruciating pain all day, every day; in conjunction with & exacerbated by, whatever other curve balls life may be throwing at you: (I.e. outstanding bills, insurance issues, relationships etc.) sometimes, your brain is on overload, as in “does compute.”  Your body sends an alarm to have you temporarily power down to battery saver mode. You must take care of your well-being and allow yourself several moments to gather yourself; as in “relax, relate, release!”  I must allow myself however long I need in my shell/bubble to work through these storms.  Eventually, the winds around you & the thunderous rain will stop.  You'll feel like YOU again; regulated, happy & peppy even… You're released from the “protective prison” of your shell. You will want to interact & engage with people again. Heck, the new tears that will form & fall from your eyes, will no longer be because of the physical/mental/emotional anguish & pain you experience.  Instead, on this new day, you know, the one that’s over ‘the horizon,’ I referred to in my previous post entitled, “Within Darkness…” Well, your tears will now be from laughter & joy. Allow yourself the beauty of looking at the glass half full when you can. And on the days where your mood, is “gloomy,” well, it’s cool too! Just don’t stay stuck. Optimism is okay, especially if it's all based on HOPE & FAITH. It also helps if we profess & proclaim positive affirmations into The Universe! Allow your heart to be open to ‘possibilities.’ It's known to help prolong ones existence. But more than that, it's peaceful & that is both attractive & soothing to someone who constantly endures the storms of chronic illness. 

Sending you love, positivity, light & healing vibes,

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