Within Darkness...

I can honestly say the past 3 months have been so tragic for my family.  Within a short period of time we’ve lost over 5 beautiful souls; each one devastating.  The pain, sadness & grief is just immeasurable, there’s no quantifiable measurement that can describe grief. Some of my loved ones succumbed to illness, or advanced age, and one, well they were stolen at the hands of hatred & violence. Besides my family, there are so many warriors from the Scleroderma & Pulmonary Fibrosis communities that have also transitioned & departed the physical realm. At this current juncture, I cannot allow myself to grieve outwardly. Instead, I’ve been keeping a lot of things inside & everything is essentially stored, knotted, twisted & ultimately violently spewed from my stomach at any moment. Graphic, I know, but the truth, is the truth…I’ll schedule my “official/proper” breakdown/my becoming undone for another space within time - - hopefully FAR from today.

For now though, I will share something I wrote on May 14, 2015 at 5:50 PM according to the stamp on the very top of my “note” on my iPod touch. The below was written while I was going through a tough time dealing with my Chronic Illnesses (Scleroderma, Pulmonary Fibrosis, Polymyositis, et. al.). Yesterday, I shared a 4 part video on my Instagram account (Screen name: @Ms.Modern.CIC) where I share my experience of feeling defeated & then by the end of the very same day, feeling lifted, lighter, renewed, encouraged & loved by The Creator. 

Within Darkness…

By Kimberly Bennett-Eady

Within the darkness, the deepest hour of my sadness & despair, it is not solely a pitch black abyss clouded with the gut wrenching cries & screams. My darkness is the hovering dark cloud that hangs out on the outskirts of the parameters of my hope. It's a massive nimbus cloud... It always threatens to rip open & unleash a flood of tears. The hovering oppressive nimbus cloud can amount to a river that literally engulfs me & tries to take me down into the unknown. The unreachable place; the cold barren flatland's of solitary, sterility & void of anything other than darkness, gloom, destruction & death. There's a gradient of colors from midnight black, navy, charcoal grey & at the very, very end of my dark tunnel; there's a bright beaming light. It's white, and soft peach, with flecks of amber colored iridescent sparkles... It's my HOPE... Even on my darkest days, I can still see my beacon on the horizon. This place is full of love, light, positivity, warmness, spirited, jovial sunshine, as well as, hugs & kisses - - it's my full life.  ©

It’s guaranteed that you will feel a range of emotions for your entire lifespan.  If you are feeling sad, low, discouraged, and/or depressed; please seek out someone to speak with as soon as possible, this is nothing to take lightly & it is of the utmost importance! Please seek out help from A Licensed Medical Professional (I.e. Counselor, Primary Care Physician, Therapist, Psychiatrist, or Psychologist), they can be objective and fully listen to you without judgement, and properly diagnose & treat you.  If you feel comfortable with sharing your inner feelings with your trusted & close family and/or friends; in combination with contacting a Medical Professional, please seek them out and share what you are feeling. The more support you have, the more you realize you are not alone, there are people that genuinely care for you and about you. It’s imperative that you take care of your mental, emotional, physical & spiritual well-being at all times.  My hope is, you’ll dig deep inside & continue to keep fighting! I’m rooting for YOU, yes, YOU!

Sending you all Love, Light & Positivity,

Kimberly***