Baby Pangs and Hot Flashes

Like most women in their early, mid or even late 30’s, some of us are experiencing a multitude of different emotions and physical changes.  Our hormones are raging, our attention spans are shortening, our memories are darn near shot to hell; and we’re just so busy living our lives.  Everything from: 1. Working hard to advance within our careers and/or 2.  Raising children and/or 3.  Making sure our relationships are intact and flowing smoothly; and for peeps like me, you’re doing 1 & 3 and trying to manage your health care coordination. When you have a chronic illness, it’s imperative that you stay in sync and in constant communication with your docs.  Some people have their “Regular” docs, you know; a Primary Care Physician, an OBY-GN, Ophthalmologist, Dentist; you know the standard.  However, when you have a chronic illness, you get to have “Specialists” in addition to the ‘Regular’ docs I listed above.  In my case, I have a Pulmonologist and a Rheumatologist.  I have to visit these providers every 3-4 months in addition; I have to go for a multitude of scans and tests in between each of these visits. 

You all know by now, that I’m “Single since ‘79,” with no dating prospects. However, I can’t even begin to tell you how I have the worst case of “baby pangs!!!!!!!!!!”  I would love the opportunity to find someone special, fall in love, get married and start a family.  When I was a child, I swore on everything Boss (Popular clothing line Circa 1993, do you remember how they had the best pair of baggy jeans and hoodies?! - Blast from the past, huh?) Anyway, I swore up, down, around and sideways that by the time I was 25, I’d be married and starting my family.  Hahahhaha, “We make plans and God Laughs.” I’m 7 years behind my original goal. Every time I see an adorable infant, I literally melt into a gooey pool of chocolate and I usually hear “Awwww” flying out of my mouth quicker than my brain can send a signal to my mouth and keep it closed LOL.  When I’m online browsing the fiercest fashions on ideel or editors closet; I have to steer away from the children’s sections because I get these puppy dog eyes and a slight pout on my lips. I'm staring at these images longing for a healthy, beautiful baby of my own to nurture and love.    Forget about “Biological Clocks” I’m dealing with a blaring 4 alarm bell system all damn day, every day!   LOL …

Aside from the strong DESIRE to become a parent; I have been experiencing the worst Hot Flashes of my ‘young life!’ I can clearly remember the first time I felt a hot flash, F*&% a ‘flash’ it was like a dang burst of fire! My entire body became HOT!!! I started sweating profusely through every pore of my body.  It was like a head-to-toe flood of heat that waved across me.  I was 22 years old on the 6 train coming from 68^th street back uptown to The Bronx.  I remember a gentleman asked me ‘if I was ok and if I would like to take his seat.’  I thanked him, but I knew if I sat down, I’d pass the hell out; I kept standing and willed the train with all my might to hurry and pull in to the Castle Hill Station so I could get home ASAP.   Nowadays, the Hot Flashes are occurring more frequently and it’s a few times a day now.  Can we say “Personal Summers?!?!?!” It’s unbearable! These damn hot flashes even wake me out of my sleep with a pool of sweat in the middle of my chest. I’ve had to wake up and strip sometimes, I even have to jump in the damn shower for relief.  So now like every damn thought is running through my mind; I’m scared that I’m about to; or currently going through pre-mature menopause and how that will likely effect my ability to become a parent (biologically).