Single Since Seventy-Nine – My Solitary Saga

LMAO at my knack for alliteration used above! Seriously though, I am the epitome of the “Plight of the Single Woman.”  I’m living a singular, solitary life of a childless singleton. No significant other & no spawns. LOL Do you notice my self-deprecating humor much? In a one word answer: “YES!”  It’s my shield, it helps me cope. You know the old adage “laugh to keep from crying?”  Well, I’m the poster child!  Sometimes I feel like the ‘last of the Mohican's.’ Can you relate to this feeling?  More than ever before, I’ve noticed for every married on engaged person I know; I also know another 2 single people. According to the 2012 U.S. Census, “62% of unmarried U.S. residents 18 and older have never been married.”[Source:  America’s Families and Living Arrangements: 2012 Table A1].   After reading that statistic, you’d think I’d feel a bit more reassured that I’m not alone, right? Um, nope, that isn’t the case.  Looking closely at the statistic, it said “unmarried;” which is VERY different from being single.  Even though you’re labeled ‘unmarried,’ you can very well be in a loving committed relationship.  Moreover, not every single person is alone. Some people self-identify as ‘single’ because they’re “unmarried.” This isn’t to say that they aren’t dating or in a committed relationship; they’re just being really technical about the word usage of their personal situations.  When I discuss my “singledom” (yep, I’m aware it isn’t a real word… It just fits perfectly in my piece, LOL). I’m solely referring to being alone, alone; as in, not “booed up” (slang for being in a relationship) & not dating/getting to know/”talking to” (slang for the beginning of the “getting to know you” stage, pre dating and pre relationship) anyone at all. 

Most days, I’d say I’m a “Satisfied Single” woman. I’m thankful for learning that term from Loni Love; it means, I’m fine with not having a significant other and I keep living my life happily. However, some days, “I’m like I NEED a boo ASAP!”  This is usually magnified times a million when I have my ‘baby pangs.’  I’m in my mid 30’s & my biological clock is blaring.  Every time I see an adorable baby my ovaries jiggle and my uterus jumps for joy. It sort of reminds me of when “Fat Bastard” (Austin Powers’ character) utters the “get in my belly” line.  LOL.  Not to mention, I’m hyper aware of my ‘single status’ when I receive an invitation to an event; and have to send in the RSVP card. It’s ALWAYS marked the same, “for one.”  One day I hope I’ll be able to write in “plus one, or Kimberly, (insert name of spouse) & family.”  However, if there’s anything I’ve learned thus far; God will send whoever he has in store for you, when you’re supposed to meet them and not a minute before.

 Through my introspective work reflecting on past situations and relationships that didn’t work out, I now understand that those men were not for me.  The minute I shared that I had Scleroderma, some disappeared like they were moonlighting as Houdini (the magician not the rap group, LMAO).  Others, tried to say they understood and didn’t mind that I was chronically ill; but broke up with me soon after my revelation anyway.  I don’t fault these men for leaving, they knew they were not equipped to handle something.  In turn, I saw that they weren’t strong enough for me.  In a partner, I don’t need a caretaker or a handler.  I need a mate, my other half, a person to build with, be intimate with.  The blessing was that I was able to figure out the incompatibility of those failed relationships before any more precious time and emotions were wasted. So as I joke about my “Solitary Saga,” it’s actually quite real. I move through my everyday as an individual without a romantic relationship; but I’m not alone.  I have so much love in my life and I give so much love to the people in my life.  Every day is a new day to continue to work on myself & to achieve my goals.  That way, when I meet ‘the one,” or the man God will send to me, I’ll be in a better position to receive healthy, mature, and real unconditional love.  I will also be able to offer my whole complete heart, time and attention to work towards establishing a beautiful & hopefully lifelong union. 

Disappearing Acts and the Comeback or should I say the “Come through?!”

So it’s “been a long time, I shouldn’t have left you, without a dope entry to read boo.”  LOL, that’s my ‘creative’ spin on Eric B. & Rakim’s “I Know You Got Soul,” (which is a classic rap song circa the 80’s). Seriously, I’ve been ‘gone’ from my blog for a while.  In the time I’ve been away, I’ve been going through the motions of trying to figure out the next stage of my life.  I know everyone goes through ‘finding their identity.”  I think these introspective/self-reflective periods of “finding oneself” happens a few times within our life span.  These ‘phases,’ come about as a direct example of growth & maturity.  As we age, we tend to grow wiser through experience and lessons learned; you know the old adage, “been there, tried that, moved on…”  At some point, we (women) gain the confidence to live OUR best lives for ourselves – our rules, our way!  As we grow, sometimes it becomes necessary that we become a bit selfish, we spend a lifetime, thinking about and taking care of others, and we end up neglecting our wants and needs. So the ‘selfishness,’ is really reclaiming and reconnecting to your own identity.  In our childhood, we try to please our parents and live up to their ideal of who they ‘created’ us to be.   In our later teens through our early 20’s, we’re in college trying to figure out who we are. We reject our “original programming” from our parental units and work on discovering what we like for a change.  It’s also during these college years, we try to figure out what we want to do for a living; so basically we go buck wild with exploration – i.e. partying for days on end & studying everything & anything under the sun, LOL. By our mid 20’s, we become more focused.  We settle into our “stable/practical jobs” or if you’re lucky enough, you found your desired career path early on, and you’re working towards achieving multiple promotions within the same field.  

 I don’t know about you, but I am a compulsive list maker! It’s the only way to keep all the tasks & to-do lists straight within my head.   I’m admittedly ‘slightly’ forgetful (which is actually becoming a lot worse with age, but that’s for another entry, LOL).  Anyway, in my late 20’s I was thrown a bit of a curveball when I was diagnosed with 2 chronic illnesses (Scleroderma & Polymyositis).  These ‘revelations’ changed my to-do list/work plan completely!  I had already put in over 3 years at my ‘stable/practical job.’ Originally, I planned to work there for 10 years total, before I was to leave and find a new position in my actual ‘career field’ to settle into until I hit retirement age.  However, when I received my ‘double diagnosis,” I had to refocus my ‘Professional Compass” and recalibrate the appropriate direction I would ultimately NEED to go towards.  If you have a chronic illness or have a family member/friend/loved one that has a chronic illness, you’re aware that life is very challenging for the afflicted individual.  That individual has to deal with their pain/sickness, taking multiple medications per day to treat their illness. Moreover, there are CONSTANT visits to the physicians/specialists offices & countless scans and lab visits.  If you’re ‘working while ill’ like I was, there’s plenty of days where you cannot make it in to the office because, you’re so sick.  Thankfully, my employer at the time understood that all of my absences and lateness’ weren’t due to me being “unprofessional or non-productive;” but, it was seriously something I had absolutely no control over.  When you’re chronically ill, your day is solely structured around how you feel when you wake up in the a.m.   I had to use all of my vacation time and personal days as ‘sick days,’ since I would run through all of my allotted sick time so quickly.  That was problematic, because as we all know, there is such a thing as ‘work burnout’ and those 4 weeks a year (may be more, or less time depending on where you work) of vacation time is necessary to recharge your batteries. When you no longer have accumulated time (vacation/personal/sick time) in your work bank; you start to get your paychecks docked.  Docked paychecks ultimately wreak havoc on your life.  You end up worrying about how you’re going to afford everything within your lifestyle (rent, bills, car notes, etc.) Whew, it was a STRESSFUL time for me, thus, I had to focus solely on trying to make my life work and didn’t have much time to dedicate to my blog.  Now, that I’m a bit more centered, and I’m so thankful and extremely grateful to God to have ‘come through’ that chaotic/challenging time in my life.

 I’m back and ready to type ‘it’ out.  When I say ‘it,’ I mean I’ll write about my own life, after all this blog is entitled "Chronicles of The Modern C.I.C. (Chronically Ill Chick/Chic Ill Chick), a.k.a. #BrokendownBlackBarbie, #CannulaChicCutie, #HomeboundHottie.  Basically, I’m a multifaceted woman who will explore and write about everything that’s of interest to me, i.e. fashion, music, makeup, relationships, politics; or if I receive any interesting topic suggestions.  

In addition, I give great advice for those seeking answers or suggestions for their problems & concerns.  Just tweet me and be sure to include the following: #COTMCIC.  I’m not being biased, I’m seriously a great ‘Solution Specialist’ just ask my family & close friends, I know they’ll be honest with you.   I’m here to stay and don’t plan on doing any further impromptu ‘disappearing acts;’ so just know, I’m here for you boo!   Yes you! 

 Thanks for taking the time to read my latest entry! Be sure to follow me on Twitter: @Ms_Modern_C.IC.

 

Smooches & Hugs,

Kimberly***

The S’ of Spring & Summer

It’s that time of year again for the S’!!!!  You might be wondering “What in the hell are the S’?!?!?!?!  If you think about it, I know you can drop a few guesses straight from the top of the dome. Go ahead, try to guess….  Done guessing? Ok, no more teasing – The S’ are: Shorts, Sandals, Short-sleeved Shirts, Skirts, Shaving & Sunscreen! (I just love my use of alliteration – don’t you? LMAO!)  Seriously though, the temps are warming up and with that, you need to have your wardrobe together!  More importantly, you need to have you skin regimen on point!!!  Lots of people with skin issues, whether it be dry skin, eczema, oily or even combination skin; you certainly have to get on the FAST TRACK to handling your skincare needs.  There is nothing worse than seeing a person dressed decently and they have horrible ash on their elbows, hands or feet – like really dude, really?!!?!  Like why in the hell does it look like you had a damn fight with a five lb. bag of flour and the flour won?!?!?!     My people, we have to make sure we moisturize, bring your lotion with you!! If you have a clutch you better have a small bottle and stick it right in there! If your clutch is too narrow, well then, you better have big cleavage so you can hide the little lotion tube in there, LMAO ROTFL <- sometimes I just crack myself up!!!  If you're not a bag person, EOS has a flat lotion tube that fits conveniently in pockets or your car. Seriously, everywhere I go, I have to moisturize! I  reapply lotion, like a zillion times a day! With my disease (Scleroderma), my skin suffers from excessive dryness and tightening.  So to help keep my skin thoroughly moisturized, I have to use 3 products: I use Eucerin Calming Lotion, Johnson & Johnson gel baby oil, in combination with C.O. Bigelow’s Lemon Body Cream.  Sidebar – they should totally pay me for recommending their products – Disclaimer: Each product listed above can work extremely well independently; they do not and I repeat they do not require use together).  That disclaimer was used to protect the future financial interests I stand to gain! LMAO

By using the above combination/moisturizing regimen, I’ve had the BEST results! like my Rheumatologist actually is referring my product concoction to her other patients that have Scleroderma. It has DRASTICALLY reduced my skin tightening and it leaves my skin GLOWING! Like, I get so many compliments on how soft my skin is when I use my "moisturizing mix."     Basically Ladies & Gentlemen, just remember to keep it sexy, stay shiny, always dress to impress and enjoy the rising temps! 

Baby Pangs and Hot Flashes

Like most women in their early, mid or even late 30’s, some of us are experiencing a multitude of different emotions and physical changes.  Our hormones are raging, our attention spans are shortening, our memories are darn near shot to hell; and we’re just so busy living our lives.  Everything from: 1. Working hard to advance within our careers and/or 2.  Raising children and/or 3.  Making sure our relationships are intact and flowing smoothly; and for peeps like me, you’re doing 1 & 3 and trying to manage your health care coordination. When you have a chronic illness, it’s imperative that you stay in sync and in constant communication with your docs.  Some people have their “Regular” docs, you know; a Primary Care Physician, an OBY-GN, Ophthalmologist, Dentist; you know the standard.  However, when you have a chronic illness, you get to have “Specialists” in addition to the ‘Regular’ docs I listed above.  In my case, I have a Pulmonologist and a Rheumatologist.  I have to visit these providers every 3-4 months in addition; I have to go for a multitude of scans and tests in between each of these visits. 

You all know by now, that I’m “Single since ‘79,” with no dating prospects. However, I can’t even begin to tell you how I have the worst case of “baby pangs!!!!!!!!!!”  I would love the opportunity to find someone special, fall in love, get married and start a family.  When I was a child, I swore on everything Boss (Popular clothing line Circa 1993, do you remember how they had the best pair of baggy jeans and hoodies?! - Blast from the past, huh?) Anyway, I swore up, down, around and sideways that by the time I was 25, I’d be married and starting my family.  Hahahhaha, “We make plans and God Laughs.” I’m 7 years behind my original goal. Every time I see an adorable infant, I literally melt into a gooey pool of chocolate and I usually hear “Awwww” flying out of my mouth quicker than my brain can send a signal to my mouth and keep it closed LOL.  When I’m online browsing the fiercest fashions on ideel or editors closet; I have to steer away from the children’s sections because I get these puppy dog eyes and a slight pout on my lips. I'm staring at these images longing for a healthy, beautiful baby of my own to nurture and love.    Forget about “Biological Clocks” I’m dealing with a blaring 4 alarm bell system all damn day, every day!   LOL …

Aside from the strong DESIRE to become a parent; I have been experiencing the worst Hot Flashes of my ‘young life!’ I can clearly remember the first time I felt a hot flash, F*&% a ‘flash’ it was like a dang burst of fire! My entire body became HOT!!! I started sweating profusely through every pore of my body.  It was like a head-to-toe flood of heat that waved across me.  I was 22 years old on the 6 train coming from 68^th street back uptown to The Bronx.  I remember a gentleman asked me ‘if I was ok and if I would like to take his seat.’  I thanked him, but I knew if I sat down, I’d pass the hell out; I kept standing and willed the train with all my might to hurry and pull in to the Castle Hill Station so I could get home ASAP.   Nowadays, the Hot Flashes are occurring more frequently and it’s a few times a day now.  Can we say “Personal Summers?!?!?!” It’s unbearable! These damn hot flashes even wake me out of my sleep with a pool of sweat in the middle of my chest. I’ve had to wake up and strip sometimes, I even have to jump in the damn shower for relief.  So now like every damn thought is running through my mind; I’m scared that I’m about to; or currently going through pre-mature menopause and how that will likely effect my ability to become a parent (biologically).

Getting Dressed

Is it me, or am I the only one ready to start a letter writing campaign to the makers/manufacturers of "Garanimals?"  For all of you with the quizzical looks on your faces, Garanimals is a company that manufactures a children’s fashion line of separates, each piece can be mixed and matched to form outfits. Not to mention, the clothing has Velcro in place of buttons and zippers!!  Sometimes I find that it’s a chore for me to pull this up, button or snap that; make sure you loop the correct hole in your belt.  Getting dressed can be surmised in one word - Exhausting!!!  Sometimes, hell I’m lying – All the time, I long for the simpler days of pull up and throw on… LOL.  I mean how great would it be to just pull up your jeans without the hassle of putting that darn button through the impossibly small hole?!?!  And for those who may be raising an eyebrow or rolling your eyes, thinking “why don’t you just buy your jean size!”  My answer to you is:  I am wearing my correct size, it’s just the fact that due to my disease, I have limited range of motion in my right hand and my fingers have curved – like I’m unable to make fists and I also have issues with grip control.  All of these challenges make it difficult to do the simplest task.   So basically, “In your face!” How do you like those apples?!?!  Do you feel bad now? LOL, well, don’t! It's just sometimes, we get so consumed with appearances.   We tend to think, if you appear to look healthy on the outside then, you’re healthy all around.  The truth is, diseases like mine cannot really be detected just by looking at me.  I’m in pain literally all day, every day – I'm not even exaggerating! I literally have felt pain all day, every day for 13 years! That would drive a sane person CRAZY!!!!   Sometimes it’s just joint pain, other times its muscle pain, and on those really horrible pain days, I’m dealing with both!  That my friends is a true nightmare!  So, NOW do you see why I long for pull up or throw on clothing?!   You know, Garanimals should expand its line to accommodate adults. I mean, it would be wildly popular for not only disabled adults like myself; but, for adults who have fast paced lives, you know like, moms and dads on the go, and even strippers can benefit from easy access clothing!  Can you imagine how much revenue they’d gain??!?! Just a thought. Note - if they (Garanimals) decide to market these fashion lines to the aforementioned populations, you know it was actually MY IDEA and I should be compensated accordingly! Just Sayin.’

Dating

I mean like how hard is it for an attractive 32 year old woman to find true love? Hmmmm, about as difficult as a 9 lb. 12 oz. baby trying to make its way out of  the birth canal, through something as small as, the size of a coaster.  Yes, I said a coaster.   You know the small circular thing placed on a flat surface & used to set your drinks on; so you don’t get smudges or ring marks on the table.   Anyway, when you don’t have a social life, and you've repeatedly been unsuccessful with the whole online dating “experience.” FYI – “experience” is a really nice way of putting it... They were farces, debacles, essentially; they all ended the same way - Disastrous (yes this word deserves a capital “D”).   There aren’t any other avenues you can go down; unless, you go through the trusted, "you know someone, who introduces you to someone…." What happens, when the “someone” you know refuses to introduce you to anyone they know?!?!  (Not because there’s anything “wrong” with you); Note – this is what you keep telling yourself “I am kind, I am smart” (You get it, wink, wink?!?!)  The explanation that you keep receiving from people, particularly the men in your life is, “you don’t want to date anybody I know, they aren’t good enough for you…blah, blah, blah.”  So, what happens to your status? Wait for it... Wait for it…  NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!  You stay as “Single as a crisp dollar bill,” or my own personal motto, “Single since ’79.”   The love I long for can be summarized in one compound word– nonexistent! The children I always dreamed of, sadly that dream is no longer “a dream deferred;” it’s just plain ole – nonexistent.  People always say, “Oh you have time.” – My response to that, “No, I don’t.”  Given, my concept of time is different from most – I’m a “Chronically Ill Chick” or as I will refer to myself as a “C.I.C” - I’m a stickler for acronyms.  Sad part is, I can’t even blame it on “text talk;” I’ve been turning things into acronyms since I was a junior in college… Getting back on track, due to the challenges I face, it requires me to meet or get connected to a strong individual.  He has to be strong, because he’ll have to deal with a lot.  Every single day, I go through challenges related to my health.  I am not trying to be doom and gloom here – a stray bullet or an explosion can take me out quicker than my disease might; after all, we live in a crazy world!  It’s a reality I face on the daily.  My mortality faces me directly in the face in a more magnified way.  I have no choice but to surrender to my limitations.   Like most women, I want the happy ending; but, don’t I actually need a ‘beginning’ in order to get to ‘the end?’   I’m also a strong supporter of, “If you want it, go get it,” but; now I can’t “get it” the way my healthy counterparts are able to… In the immortal words of Trey Songz: “I’m alone, alone, alone…”